Stay at home women – the unnoticed victims of sexism

by Alok Das

Let me tell you two true stories briefly. I have altered the names of the characters though.

Story 1. Sajida was an accountant in her home country. She loved singing and painting. As common in many cultures, her parents forced her into an arranged marriage with Mamun who works in Sydney. Sajida was not ready to get married, she wanted to go abroad for further studies in environmental accounting. But in her culture arguing with parents is not allowed. So, following the marriage she is overseas – in Australia – but sadly not for studies but to be a stay at home wife. She is told by Mamun that women are not meant to work outside home, their sole responsibilities are giving birth to children and raising them, and looking after the household. Being in a new country, she feels lost, she cannot talk to anyone. There is no point talking to her parents back home over the phone, as they would tell her to be a good wife, that is, to listen to her husband. Eventually she becomes pregnant within a few weeks of her arrival. In addition, she gets another ‘reward’: taunting comments from Mamun that he is the one who earns money, she does not. What else does she do ‘except watching TV’? Sajida listens but does not dare say anything. Any arguments may make Mamun even more abusive. Sajida gives birth to a daughter. Mamun is very upset. ‘A girl, one day she will be married off too. No one to look after me in my old age’ thinks he.

Story 2. Jayanti studied chemistry and used to teach in a school in her home country. Through Facebook, she came to meet Dibyendu, who migrated to Sydney a few years ago and seemed quite charming. After a whirlwind virtual romance Dibyendu goes to their home country. With the consent of their parents they get married. Jayanti migrated to Sydney. After the initial flowery days she is shocked that Dibyendu lied to her about his work: he is not an IT professional as he claimed when they first met online. However, for the sake of love she still continues the relationship. She starts to look for work and it seems she has a better prospect of finding a job in her chosen field. Dibyendu suffers from an inferiority complex and insists on having a baby first, and that Jayanti can work later on. Jayanti gives in to this pressure, becomes pregnant and gives birth to a daughter. Dibyendu wanted a son and is very upset to have a daughter. He thinks eventually when the girl will grow up, he will have to arrange her wedding which is a huge cost. No one will be there to ‘care’ for him in old age. He starts abusing and taunting Jayanti. With countless patience Jayanti tolerates. She is told she ‘does not earn money and must shut up.’

Now to my main point: sexist attitude to stay at home women. In professional and social circles, in the media, in the academic world, there are – very rightly – huge rounds of discussion on sexism. While this is definitely a healthy phenomenon to have this kind of discussion but I think it is time we need to recognise that sexism towards stay at home women is also an issue that needs proper attention.

A woman may have to stay at home for many reasons. It may be because of her stupid male chauvinist partner or because of her dumb parents or because of the stupid culture in which she lives, or most importantly, for caring duties.

How much has been done to do something to reform the society? I personally think addressing the issue is not less important than global warming. The above true stories are in Australia but there are millions of such stories all over the world. Australia – thankfully – does not discriminate between men and women but there are many countries who formally discriminate. Even God will not be able to tell if those countries can ever be reformed. It’s a shame in this era of enlightenment and advanced technologies a massive section of humans are abused every second, and no one seems to care.

I have done a calculation to find out how much a stay at home woman in Australia contributes. In this scenario the woman is 35, has 2 children, looks after her in laws.
The calculation is here:
Looking after 2 children for 24 hours on a rate of $20 per hour (not considering the penalty rates) is $480 per day.
At the same rate looking after the in laws are $960 ($480 per person).
As the cook for 8 hours per day, at the same pay rate is another $160.
As a home cleaner for 8 hours a day (it is actually more) at the same rate is another $160.
Next when the grumpy husband comes home she has to be a kind listener (or counsellor) to him for at least 2 hours per day. At a rate of $110, that is $220 per day.
Then as the laundry woman for the house for at least 4 hours a day at the rate of $20 per hour is another $80. There are other areas where she contributes but let us see up until now how much she has contributed to the household by adding all these figures above: $2060 per day.

So on a yearly basis she contributes $751,900 ($2060 x 365 days). Now let us consider the overtime and penalty rates. If we consider the minimum, the number should be doubled and so she contributes to the household more than 1.5 million dollars. How many men do make / earn that much money a year? If a man wants to spend that much money a year, how much should he earn a year?

What? Why did you stop breathing? Now next time if you see a male chauvinist idiot who says that women just stay at home and don’t do any work, just show these figures to him.

But more important than this, we need to wake up to have reforms for a fair society.