Laws 

1. Law of Mechanical Repair

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee

2. Law of Gravity

Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5. Variation Law

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6. Law of the Bath

When the body is fully immersed in water, the phone will ring.

7. Law of Close Encounters

The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

8. Law of the Result

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

9. Law of Biomechanics

The severity of the itch is directly proportional to the reach.

10. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11. The Coffee Law

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy’s Law of Lockers

If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument

Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance

If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

16. Law of Public Speaking

A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18. Doctors’ Law

If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.