Loneliness at Christmas – could this be avoided? – By Dr Remy Perumal
Retired Consultant Physician in the UK
Christmas and its festivities are centred around family. Preoccupied as we are with the preparations, the shopping and the numerous activities leading up to it, we who have family tend to forget, that there are lonely people out there, who would dearly love to be in the company of others during this festive period.
I recall clearly one Christmas Eve in the mid 1980’s. One of the GP’s in North Lincolnshire where I was working then, requested me to do a domiciliary consultation for one of his patients, who was not fit to attend hospital.
It was a very pleasant drive although a cold, sunny winter afternoon. Approaching the holiday period the roads were deserted although it was early afternoon on Christmas Eve. It was a small, quaint North Lincolnshire village, where she lived.
I was greeted at the door by this woman in her late 60’s. She looked unwell, lived on her own with her pet budgerigar. She had no relatives. She was obviously lonely, extremely anxious and she was in heart failure. She required admission to hospital, which I arranged.
On Christmas day I saw her on my ward round. She was relaxed, cheerful and seemed extremely happy to be amongst other patients and hospital staff. whilst in hospital her heart failure improved steadily during the course of the next week.
When she was medically fit she was returned to her home and her budgerigar on New Year’s Eve.
Although her medical condition necessitated admission to hospital, this woman was lonely would have had to spend Christmas alone.
“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved”- Mother Theresa .
Today the social landscape is changing. Loneliness is a problem not only with the older age groups but cross the spectrum. Family bonds are absolutely essential to prevent tragic abandonment of people to lonely lives. These ties of kinship are fracturing, resulting in more and more people are being abandoned when they are old and frail. Also, recent figures have revealed that, an ever increasing number of middle aged men and women too are living alone.
This disturbing trend is due largely to the baleful effects of family breakdown and the damage done to family links between generations. Modern society values above all else, is independence. It is seen as essential to fulfilling one’s potential without being influenced by anyone else. Also, as women match men on the salary front and no longer need a partner to provide for them, the numbers of single middle aged women will continue to increase.
However, these sassy single “twenty something” out there, will in their forties, be thinking to themselves, that, their time alone accounts for the best part of the week.
“Where there is love, there is life” –Mahatma Gandhi
Therefore, those living alone in the modern era range from elderly through to the divorced and separated, the bereaved and the single unmarried.
Financial circumstances will have an additional bearing on the plight of of loneliness, but those who are materially secure too, will find living alone has lost its gloss and impending loneliness a daunting future prospect.
In contrast, to loneliness, solitude is a positive state of engagement with oneself. Therefore living alone is not synonymous with loneliness. Some chose to be alone- solitude is their choice.
Christmas is a magical occasion, a time to reconnect with friends and loved ones.
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Be it the traditional celebration of the birth of Jesus or an exercise of collective mania, friends and family will get together for the festivities. For those unfortunate to be left alone in front of the “box” trying to create a semblance of what would have been, is sad. For them, the festive season will be unwelcome and would prefer it to “soon pass”
So, I do urge you to spare a thought for those who are alone at Christmas. They may be old and infirm, bereaved without family, separated, divorced or single, they may be affluent or poor, still the same, they are alone and lonely. Include them in your circle if you can.
Spread some Christmas Cheer and bring “ Joy to their World too”
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