Never Trust a Cricketer –To Cricket fanatics – Written by a Cricketer’s wife….
Come all ye fair young maidens, hearken unto me!
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
Randier than a sailor, who’s been six months at sea,
Never let a cricketer’s hand, an inch above your knee.
First let’s take the paceman, pure speed from first to last,
My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast.
Then there’s the medium pacer, his balls swing either way;
He’s really most persistent, and can keep it up all day!
Watch out for the off-spinner girls, another awkward chap.
If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap!
Then there’s the wily ‘slowy’, pure cunning is his strength;
He’ll tempt you, then he’ll trap you, with his very subtle length.
So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree.
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease!
He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease.
The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes.
When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes.
And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two,
When he arrives at the crease, then only six will do.
Then there’s the real stone Waller. Girls! He knows what he’s about;
And if you let him settle in, it’s hard to get him out!
We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock,
He doesn’t mind if he’s last man in, as long as he gets a knock.
So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me:
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And watch the wicket keeper. Girls! He’s full of flair and dash;
And if you raise your heel, he’ll whip them off in a flash.
If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score;
Or he’ll have you in positions that you never knew before!
The cricket commentator, is a nasty sort of bloke,
He watches all the action, and describes it stroke by stroke.
Even the kindly umpire, who looks as friendly as a pup;
You’ll quickly find you’ve had it, when he puts his finger up!
So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me,
“NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER,
WHOEVER HE MAY BE”!
