“WHO, IS THIS BUM”?

By Des Kelly

The corrected question, whose, is this bum?. If nothing else proves what a crazy World we are living in, at the moment, events of the past week do. With the ” media” having a “ball”in Australia, we “flash” to South Africa, where our cricket team is not only having a ball, they are tampering with it. As I have stated before, in no uncertain terms, “ball-tampering” is perfectly legal, as long as the sport involved is “Pocket Billiards”. Ball-tampering, in cricket,although, not the done thing, has been going on everywhere in the World, since male bowlers have had balls to tamper with & the “women-cricketers”, bless their hearts, have no such problems, they will never disgrace themselves or the Country by tampering with cricket balls, red, white or blue. Why should they, when they have the “real-things” to tamper with, at home. Women have always been the luckier gender in sport, at home, at work, everywhere. Take this woman who has recently been featured on “the box”. I will not “name names” for obvious reasons, but everyone has seen her, by now, who, although she has already been paid what is termed “hush-money”, not to talk about the “bum”, said, quite clearly & precisely that she was asked to “spank” this Gentleman’s buttocks, told him to pull his pants down, and, oh, so gently spanked his bum with possibly a girlie- magazine, lying at hand. Now, WHY did she do that ?, this guy had done nothing wrong (up to that point, anyway), The reason was, folks, she was a Woman, & Women can do these things. She did know whose bum it was, a little bit different to all the other bums she had spanked, of course,but a “bum”, no less. All these “stories” will peter-oops, out, just as soon as the Media find something else to talk & write about, myself, included.

I can add here, truthfully, I have been through life, both in Ceylon & latterly, in Australia, fully aware that there are MEN who cannot find any sexual gratification without being “spanked”, beaten, chained to their beds and even whipped!, I cannot understand this as I am allergic to pain. Women understand that this is a great way of “paying back” for all the-sexual-harassment they have they have probably suffered and so, they really get stuck into it. The only occasion where they would be a little careful & more gentle is if, perhaps, you are the President of a Country. I will say no more.

I sincerely hope that all my eLanka readers, take my stories in the way they are supposed to be taken, the World might be a crazy place right now, but give it another decade and I may not be any genius Professor, but, one thing, for sure. all of us, still alive, will be certain to need all the latest medical ” mental-Services” available to us. That said, I will put down my suitcase and hope for the best.

Desmond Kelly.
Star of eLanka.
(Editor-in-Chief).