Playing with Puns-by Michael Roberts
Source:Thuppahis
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From Lakshman & Sanath Jayatilaka: To all connoisseurs of good puns
“My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve”
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side
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I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
How do you make holy water? You take some regular water & boil the hell out of it
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Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
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Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
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Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any
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What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
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I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case
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When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane
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A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils
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She had a photographic memory but never developed it
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Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? I don’t know and don’t really care
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I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
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Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve
***************
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize
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I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
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Need an ark? I Noah guy
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I used to be indecisive; now I’m not so sure
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Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed
***************
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine
**************
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.
******************
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side
*************
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
**************
How do you make holy water? You take some regular water & boil the hell out of it
***************
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
***************
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
**************
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
**************
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve
***************
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any
***************
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
***************
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case
***************
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane
***************
A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils
***************
She had a photographic memory but never developed it
***************
Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? I don’t know and don’t really care
**************
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
***************
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
***************
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve
***************
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize
***************
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
***************
Need an ark? I Noah guy
***************
I used to be indecisive; now I’m not so sure
***************
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed
***************
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine
**************
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.
