“CLEAN-COMEDY” – By Des Kelly

Something one rarely sees these days. Comedians, both men & women “doing their thing” without swearing. For some unknown reason, they seem to think that using F-words & worse, is going to enhance what is already somewhat stupid, in the stories they

 tell, and then they expect their audiences to laugh uproariously, at their morbid sense of humour. 

I have often been guilty of fiddling with the remote control of my television, rather late at night, in an effort to find something interesting to watch, but nowadays, to no avail. However, if I do happen to latch onto one of these supposedly comic-shows, watch it for a few minutes, and as soon as I hear a swear-word, I just switch off, say a couple of swear-words myself, and get to bed. I firmly believe that swearing to oneself is perfectly o.k., as long as you are not doing it in public, and even worse, on television or in a movie. 

This is totally unnecessary. In my book, an entire movie can be spoilt by incessant swearing, because there is really no need for it. On the other hand, if you stub your toe, as you stumble somewhere, a swear word or three can help ease the pain. When I served in the Royal Ceylon Navy during the 50’s, swear-words were simply considered as part of our language. We did not even THINK it was wrong to speak like we did, but why am I carrying on, like a two-bob watch about swear words when this little piece, sent in to me, by Maxwell Gerreyn, is all about comedy and Comedians who managed to make people laugh without a single ugly word to spoil the fun. Thank you, Max,

this one is mostly about Jewish Comedians, but I love British Comedy as well. One final example was Tommy Cooper, the guy with the “fez”. He was a superb Entertainer who sadly died on-stage as he was doing what he loved to do, making people laugh, and strangely, his audience laughed as he collapsed to the floor of the stage, thinking that it was part of his act.

Tommy & many other British Comedians will always be remembered for their CLEAN-COMEDY.

          Desmond Kelly.
(Editor-in-Chief) eLanka.       

Good ole days….

A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT IS THAT WHILE JEWS MAKE UP ABOUT 2% OF THE U.S. POPULATION, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THEY MADE UP ~50% OF THE FAMOUS COMEDIANS (ACCORDING TO A UC BERKELEY PROFESSOR WHO STUDIES HUMOR).

You may remember the old Jewish Catskill Comics of Vaudeville days:

Shecky Greene, Red Buttons,
Totie Fields, Joey Bishop,
Milton Berle, Jan Murray,
Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman,
Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar,
Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason,
Woody Allen, Lenny Bruce,
George Burns, Allan Sherman,
Jerry Lewis, Carl Reiner,
Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder,
George Jessel, Alan King,
Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers,
Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield,
Don Rickles, Jack Benny
Mansel Rubenstein
and so many others.

There was not one single swear word in their comedy.

Here are a few examples:

* I just got back from a pleasure trip.
I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

* I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years!
If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love?
“Honey, I’m home!”

* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it.
The thief spends less than my wife did.

* We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.
Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed.
My wife called it the Dead Sea.

* She was at the beauty shop for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.”
Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”

* Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!”
Patient: “I am 60!”
Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”

* Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.”
Doctor: “Don’t answer it!”

* A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”
The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”

* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They’re worth it.

* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled
backward is Not Now.

*There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it
graduates from medical school.

Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

A man called his mother in Florida, “Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
The son said, “Why are you so weak?”
She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with
food if you should call.”

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part
in the play.
She asks, “What part is it?”
The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a
speaking part.”

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a
nuisance to anybody.”

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the
street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
“Force yourself,” she replied.

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.

A-a-h! Memories of the good ole days!