“EXCUSES (FROM LOSERS)” – By Des Kelly

  I have heard it all before, as a matter of fact, I have had to make excuses from time to time, myself, still, this particular “story” is a repetition anyway, that I see fit for readers of eLanka who sometimes prefer brief, yet interesting “true stories”, as this one undoubtedly is. 

 Desmond Kelly.
 (Editor -in-Chief)   eLanka.   

Telling the truth.

The wife came  home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very  attractive young woman.
         
And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How  dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m  leaving you. I want a divorce right  away!’
        
And the husband  replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.’  ‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to  me!’
        
And the husband  began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady  here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took  pity on her and let her into the  car.
        
I noticed that she  was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t  eaten for three days.
         
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made  for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put  on weight. The poor thing devoured them in  moments.
        
Since she  needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I  noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them  away.
        
Then, as she  needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years,  but don’t wear because you say they are too  tight.
        
I also gave her  the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I  don’t have good taste.
        
I  found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just  to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive  boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the  same.’
        
The husband took  a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and  help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes  and said, ‘Please … Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t  use?