” IT’S FUN TO PUN ” by the “Star of eLanka” Desmond Kelly!

Upun my sole, I now have my feet up and feel in the mood to have a “play on words”,which of course, ends up in a pun. As I’ve said, many times now, English is a very strange tongue indeed. . Being the International language that it is, one would not expect it to be as complex as it is, but unless you are well-read, or read well(take your pick), you will not see the fun in a pun,as I put it, but I will put it to you, that there are many puns in something that is very dear to me. ” Musical Puns” to the sound of music, many of which I have read and now write for you.

I used to work on a farm as a pilot.I used to pile it here and pile it there. I then fell in love with the farmer’s daughter called Daisy because she grew wild in the woods. She had a peach of a pear and was a red-head, no hair, just a red-head. I tried my hand at milking, just to impress her.The cow sat there mooing softly. I said to Daisy, “I think the cow’s enjoying it dear”, to which she replied, “I’m not surprised, you’ve got hold of the bull”! I had to leave the farm after that because the bull wanted to get engaged.

Let us take a “Musical” now, Porgy & Bess and a tune from it which ended up in a mess.
IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO (REPEAT) THE THINGS THA YOU’RE LIABLE TO READ IN THE BIBLE, IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO.

Everyone knows that I love animals, in particular, the Aardvark, after all, aardvark never killed anybody.That is a gnu joke. Let’s ape they get better.

In the deep south, way past the Mason Dixon Line, stood a house that was so big that when it was four o’clock in the kitchen, it was seven thirty in the toilet.

It was so large that the mice wore St.Christopher medals and the “Hoover” wore a compass. This huge place belonged to a certain Miss Nestor, the boss of a highly successful plantation, her favourite pastime being to make her slaves throw a German Mauser pistol into a pile of discarded coffee-dregs, then she’d sing in a rich baritone-tone “Mausers in de cold cold ground”.

Miss Nestor owned a prize pig, a huge old sow that often appeared in concerts. It had a fine tenor voice & was often asked to sty on for an encore. The pig became so famous, she was put under contract to an agent and was given a monthly salary. Working also, for Miss Nestor was a shifty-eyed man who was determined to steal her pig to breed it with his friend’s bull. Thus friend was an Indian from Bombay and if the mating was successful, they would have produced an animal that produced beef & bacon at the same time, thus making a fortune for them. The Indian was only a boy and did’nt understand the villiany of the plot.
One night, the man who worked for Miss Nestor stole the pig, put a label on it and let it run with some other pigs to divert suspicion. Alas, when it came to the actual “mating”, he had put the label on the wrong pig and the whole thing was a complete mess. His wife, a strapping coloured lady, pointed out the error & sang,
“IT AIN’T NESTOR’S SALARY SOW
NO, IT AIN’T NESTOR’S SALARY SOW
THE THING THAT YOU LABELLED
TO BREED INDIA-BOY-BULL
IT AIN’T NESTOR’S SALARY SOW”

As I said before and will say again, Puns are Fun.