WAITER MINUTE

by Desmond Kelly “the Star of eLanka”

Waiter minute, folks. The most “up-to the minute” news is that “overtime penalty rates” are being cut, leaving especially those in the “hospitality” industries out of pocket and suitably irked about it.

Because there are so many Aussies & Aussie-Lankans affected by these pay-cuts, I have decided to focus this particular “effort” on “Waiters” who work in the more elite restaurants in Melbourne town. These are “true stories” about real experiences in the City now considered the best, most liveable City in the World.. I really cannot blame anyone for what is happening here, between anonymous customers & waiters.

Customer “Waiter, I have been waiting here for an hour
Waiter Sir, I have been waiting here for ten years.
Customer “Waiter, this goulash is terrible”
Waiter ” Sir, our chef.has been making goulash probably before you were born”!
Customer “Maybe so, but why has he saved it for me? !
Customer “Hey, waiter, hey”!
Waiter “Alright Sir, but we’ll have to send for it”!
Waiter “Hawaii Sir, you must be Hungary”
Customer “Yes, Siam, but I can’t Rumania for long, Venice dinner being served”?
Waiter “I’ll Russia everything Sir.what would you like,
Turkey fried in Greece “?
Customer “Whatever is ready, but can’t Jaimaica cook it fast “?
Waiter “Odessa laugh. Juneau, but Alaska”
Customer ” O.K, in the meantime I’ll have a cup of java
with a Cuba sugar”
Waiter “Don’t be Sicily,Sir, you may Sweden it yourself,
I’m only here to Serbia”
Customer “Denmark up my Czech.I don’t Bolivia know who I am “?
Waiter “Kenya Sir, I don’t Caribbean about you”!
Customer ” Samoa wisecracks!, what’s got India? , do you think this argument Alps business?
Waiter “Sir, you are a Spain in the neck. Abyssinia”!!

IN ANOTHER RESTAURANT.

Customer “Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup”
Waiter “Don’t worry Sir, the spider on your bread will take care.of it”.
Customer “Waiter, I really don’t care for all the flies in this restaurant”.
Waiter “Very well Sir, just point out the ones you don’t care about and I’ll get rid of them for you”.
Customer “Waiter, why is my dough-nut all smashed up”?
Waiter “Sir, you said you wanted a cup of coffee and a doughnut and step on it, so I did”.
Customer “Waiter, I will have a hamburger”
Waiter. ” With pleasure, Sir”.
Customer “No, with pickles & onions”.
Customer “Waiter, have you got any wild duck “?
Waiter “No Sir, but I could take a tame one and irritate
it for you”
Customer “Waiter, this meat isn’t fit for a pig”!!
Waiter ” Sorry Sir, I’ll take.it back and bring you some that is”.
Customer ” Waiter, I cannot eat thia soup”.
Waiter ” Sorry Sir, I’ll call the Manager”.
Customer ” Mr. Manager, I cannot eat this soup”
Mr. Manager “Wait a minute Sir, I’ll call the Chef”.
Customer “Chef, I cannot eat this soup”!
Chef “What’s wrong with it Sir?
Customer “Nothing. Just bring me a bloody spoon”!!

Let’s hope that they fix up the problem as regards the overtime rates sooner rather than later. In the meantime, forget about restaurants and eat at home.

Desmond Kelly.
“Star of Lanka”.