“OH, GOODNESS, GRACIOUS, ME” by Des Kelly

Once again, we arrive at another “cross-road” in sunny Australia. Our “Medical-people”, Doctors, Specialists etc., have been “doing very well”, thank you, for nearly all of fifty six years I have been resident in Melbourne.  Right from the very start, I have had “private insurance” covering myself & my family. Insurance is one of those things that is totally necessary, here in Australia, because in a Land where unfortunately, fires, storms, & floods seem to take their toll on a regular basis, one would be in big trouble, if they had no insurance “cover”. You buy your first car, do not have what is termed “Comprehensive” Cover, chances are that you run into the next Mercedes Benz, on the road, only to pay for it’s repairs, for the rest of your natural life!.

You needed Insurance for the “contents”in your home.

You needed bloody insurance on your HOME, before you took out insurance on it’s contents. You needed special insurance on your jewellery, & smaller items that a thief could more easily carry out, when he found that the “Safe” in your home was too heavy for him to lug away.

You then needed “Life Insurance”, so your family could carry on if you suddenly passed away, from desperation of having to pay so much Insurance. You needed ” Work-Cover

Insurance” in case you could not go to work, for any reason.

You needed “Travel Insurance” before you could move from Dandenong to Springvale, which ironically is, where the Botanical Necropolis is situated, so beautiful, that people are just dying to go there. Finally, even to go there, in a respectable manner you needed “Funeral Insurance”.

It has just become a “habit” for people like myself. Doesn’t sound like “too much” until, as I have just done, you put it all down “in writing”. Speaking for myself, as I always do, (right at the moment, I speak TO myself, & then get a bit worried when I find that I am also REPLYING myself), I have been in Australia now, for 56 years, worked, consistently for

44 of them, leaving out Federal taxes, paid for  so many Insurance policies, getting absolutely NOTHING back for the thousands of dollars paid, I thought that because the pen will always be mightier than the sword, I would categorise all my spending, because, when my dear readers of eLanka read this (hopefully) they will realize that many of them have been through exactly the same expenditure and be as shocked about it, as I was.

Finally, realizing that I am almost at the end of my tether, I am fully aware that, as an old invalid pensioner (boo-hoo), where “Medicare” could & would look after me, I still pay for Private Medical Insurance, and most of these “Companies” “charge like wounded bulls”, Please do not ask me why.

In 56 years I have been hospitalised (briefly), just 3 times, I have “seen” only 2 “Specialists”, have no time for “Dentists”

Possess only about three (whole) teeth, to which I am very attached, and now, rather regret the fact that I will need a further lifetime in which to make use of all the Specialists I have listed below.! With everything they have already got,

The Medical Profession speaks out on a Financial “Bail-out” Package.

The “Allergists” voted to “Scratch-it”,whenever & wherever,

but the ” Dermatologists” were warned not to make “Rash-moves”, the “Gastroenterologists” had this “Gut-feeling” about it, but the “Neurologists” thought the Administration

had a “lot of “Nerve”& the “Obstetricians” felt they were all

“Labouring” under a “Misconception”.The “Ophthalmologist”

considered the idea “Short-sighted” but the “Pathologist” yelled “Over my dead body”& the “Paediatrician” simply said

“Oh, grow-up”.The “Psychiatrist” said “this is all “Madness”, but the “Radiologists” could see “Right through it”.

Then. the “Surgeons” decided to ” Wash their hands” off the whole thing, but the “Internists” thought it was a bitter pill to swallow. The “Plastic-Surgeon” said.”this puts a “Whole new face” on the matter., & while the “Podiatrist” thought that this was “A step forward”, the “Urologist” thought that the scheme “Wouldn’t hold water”. The “Anaesthesiologist” felt the whole thing was “A gas”, but the “Cardioligists” did not have ” The heart” to say “no”. In the ultimate end however,

The “Proctologists” left the decision to the “Arseholes” in Canberra.”OH, GOODNESS, GRACIOUS, ME” !!.

Desmond Kelly

Star of eLanka