eLanka Funnies & Comedy – Words of Wisdom by Phyllis Diller
Yet another little “collection” of comedy quotes by the famous Comedienne Phyllis Diller who died on the 20th of August 2012, aged 95. Her “comedy capers” were in the same vein as that of Lucille Ball. They were both very funny ladies, on stage, of course, but provided the World with real comedic material that will always be enjoyed.
This comes to me via Harry de Sayrah & Keith Bennett, who must be commended for trying to get our minds off all the unfortunate happenings in Sri Lanka at the moment.
Thank you, Harry & Keith.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shovelling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
My photographs don’t do me justice, they just look like me.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – Keep away from children.
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.