eLanka Jokes

One laugh per day is better than eating one apple a day….

A man was granted two wishes by God.
He asked for the best drink and the best woman ever.
He got mineral water and Mother Teresa.
. . . . . . . . . . .
There are three kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened!
. . . . . . . . . . .
Wives are magicians. They can turn anything into an argument.
. . . . . . . . . . .
When asked in class; Why do women live a better, longer and a more peaceful life than men?
A very INTELLIGENT student replied:
“Because women don’t have wives!”
. . . . . . . . . . .
Husband to his wife: “Honey… I’ve invited a friend home for supper.”
Wife: “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”
Husband: “I know all that.”
Wife: “Then why did you invite a friend home for supper?”
Husband: “Because the poor fool is thinking of getting married!”
. . . . . . . . . . .

Cool message to mother-in-law:
“Dear Mother-in-law, Don’t teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!”
. . . . . . . . . . .
When a married man replies; “I’ll think a bout it.” — What he really means is that he hasn’t asked his wife for permission yet!
. . . . . . . . . . .
A lady says to her doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?”
The doctor replies: “Give him the opportunity to speak while he’s awake!”

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A Man/Woman Conversation!

Lady: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes

Lady: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3

Lady: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5 with a tip

Lady: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: 20 years, I suppose

Lady: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be $5400 correct?

Man: Correct

Lady: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct

Lady: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting
for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a
Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?