How is FOPO affecting your professional growth?– 

 By Lucky Karunaratne – Counsellor, Growth Coach and Member- Australian Counselling Association and Counselling- Victoria

Website:https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/counselling/lucky-karunaratne-delahey-vic/843529

Email: luckykaru123@gmail.com

There is much debate these days as to what people’s biggest fears are: One time it was a widely held belief that fear of public speaking ranked high on the list , just a shade below death by fire. Today according to a survey conducted by the Chapman University , public speaking has dropped down to No: 52 on the list. Yes, it does look  like all the Public Speaking Courses undertaken by those aspiring to get ahead in life, are finally yielding results. ( It’s an American Survey ) . In Japan the biggest fear is that of nuclear weapons whereas people in South Africa, Kenya, and Uganda are most worried about AIDS and other diseases. And inequality is the deepest concern for much of Europe and the U.S

So fears are wide ranging and is based on culture, past history and environment. However, one significant fear overall is FOPO. ( No, it’s not foreign policy which is what Paris Hilton said it was!) .

It is The Fear of People’s Opinions. 

This is a term coined by Michael Gervais, Ph.D., a high performance psychologist who  had this to say:

He writes that “ stress-inducing FOPO can be a huge barrier in people’s professional and personal lives, causing them to avoid going after their goals or taking healthy risks, due to a fear of rejection”

I believe that fear of rejection is closely linked to a fear of social disapproval. I spent most of my life , in the subcontinent. In this environment , family and societal links are paramount. Failure and the consequent social disapproval has an impact not only on the individual but on the entire network of one’s world. As Michael Gervais states this can be a huge barrier to growth and progress.

I have an issue  of starting things with great enthusiasm  and not carrying it through to completion . In the past there have been many who would take glee in pointing this out to me. These criticisms would shake me up so much, that I would always be fearful of starting out on a new venture. I missed out on several promising ventures purely because of the lack of confidence in my ability to finish the race. I was a victim of FOPO

The Book of Proverbs says it this way : “It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you”

So how does one overcome FOPO. There are various  suggestions and recommendation and quotes out there to combat this  ( Ranging from Mindfulness to Affirmations  to Yoga ) . I know these can be most effective but a person with a FOPO mindset finds it difficult to take a major step, such as this .

Let me set out some pointers that have worked for me as well as for others who have overcome FOPO successfully

1. Ask yourself whether the opinions of those whom you are concerned really matter. Are they experts or at least have knowledge or experience in this context. Do they have great vision and are you inspired by them or are they people with whom you have an emotional connection or most times not even that.
2. Will the person whose opinion is causing you distress by directly or indirectly be affected by your decision. It is hard for these persons to be objective about this situation .Seek out the opinions of those who can be impartial and unbiased.
3. Immerse yourself in the process. The decision you are about to take is important enough for you to consider it for so long. Now it’s time to work out the next strategy steps. This process of planning will bring with it , its own challenges. Once deep in the process , you will have little time to worry about the opinions of others
4. 4. When you are about to take a decision which is vital and important ( let’s face it these decisions are most times scary) , it is wise to seek wise counsel. However, it is important we limit the process to person/s to those whom   ( a) you trust ( b) is not directly affected by your decision and is therefore objective ( d)  if possible, have a track record of  going  past their own  FOPO barriers

“Solicit feedback from a short list of people who matter to you. Honest reflection is a    vital component of mastery,” Gervais writes.

5. Have you overcome social opinion in the past? Try to objectively and without drama or emotion evaluate how it turned out . How did that feel? On the flip side, how about all those times , you bowed to social approval and backed out of a potential growth situation, which you now regret?  These questions are reflective and infinitely better than asking yourself “ what will this person think?”
6. Always tell yourself that you have a better knowledge of yourself than anyone else. The opinions of others are always based on their personal history, their talents and a host of other factors which have little bearing on you.

To summarise, the bottom line to overcoming the debilitating effects of FOPO is to realise that life is far too short to pay attention to the opinions of others. Life is no longer the adventure it was meant to be if one is governed by what other’s think.  I can think of no better example of this than Sir Richard Branson who never ever cared for the opinions of others.

Sir Richard B offers some words of advice to those whose lives are affected by FOPO-  the title to one of his books is simply “ Screw it, let’s do it”