“CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY” – by Des Kelly

He wished he had, of course, but this time e’ Lanka brings you some of the more humourous (even ribald, depending on how YOU think), sayings, as only HE could do. Makes for interesting reading of course, and we have to remember that a broad smile works on every muscle of the human face, keeping it looking younger than it really is. Please do use your brains to imagine Confucius, complete with that inscruitable look on his countenance, saying things of this nature. As the song says, “Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think”.

Desmond Kelly.
(Editor-in-Chief) e’Lanka.

Things Confucius did not say……but wishes he had (quite how we know this I’m not sure!)

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.

Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

And, Confucius Did Not Say. . .

“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but Tiger Wood!”