Let’s Be Selfish – In A New Way! – By C Panditharatne
World Kindness Day 2023 – 13th November
Source : AUSTRALIA SRI LANKA ASSOCIATION SA INC (ASLA) – Newsltter November 2023.
Did you know that CAKE could increase our mental and physical health? Well, not actually eating Cake though. It is about doing CAKE. That is, Consistent Acts of Kindness and Empathy (CAKE). Positive Psychologists strongly recommend following the method called CAKE – Consistent Acts of Kindness and Empathy, to improve our physical and psychological health, on a daily-basis. Just one simple little act of kindness each day has been scientifically proven to cure many sicknesses in our minds, as well as in our bodies.
Being kind starts with empathy. Empathy is feeling someone else’s need or pain. Feeling empathy is not kindness. Doing something about it is called ‘kindness’. It is easy to feel empathy when we have a close relationship with someone. We tend to offer help to our friends whenever they need help. This is because we are sure that our act of kindness will not be rejected. However, ‘random acts of kindness’ are much deeper. They are not common in today’s world entrenched in mindsets associated with ‘I, me and mine’. However, it is not always easy to offer random kindness to someone you do not know well.
Interestingly, all religions talk about random kindness. For instance, Buddhism preaches ‘Loving kindness or ‘Metta’ towards all beings: as a mother protects her own child, be kind and loving to all living beings regardless of their nature’, even though you don’t know them. Over 2,500 years ago, Buddha also advised to be vigilant always, so as to make consciousdecisions to consistently carryout kind acts. Not surprisingly, the concept of ‘Metta’ is now taken up by Positive Psychologists worldwide, to treat their patients. Christianity too advocates random kindness, for instance, Luke 6:32 says & quote If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them”. With such strong advocacy on random acts of kindness, it is odd that we do not engage in them more often.
A random act of kindness is when we help someone without expecting anything back. Now the strange twist about random acts kindness is that they bring back much more to the giver, even though the giver does not expect anything back. First, it creates better worlds through generating more kindness in the world, because kindness is contagious.
Second, it creates happier, healthier individuals and societies. Research has found that kindness is catching. When someone sees you performing an act of kindness, they too will tend to do a kind deed. This is because seeing your act of kindness makes them feel happy. Their brains reward them by motivating them to be kind too. This makes kindness the best bug to catch and spread. Wouldn’t world be the best place to live if everyone catches the kindness bug? Kindness tends to have a Domino effect on communities – one need to fall to have an amazing effect on others. Communities that are strong and close-knit are so strong, because they show random acts of kindness towards their members.
Random acts of kindness tend to turn back on the giver. This is because the mental status of a person improves with each random act of kindness. Scientists have found profound changes happening in the brain and body, with each act of random kindness we perform. Brain imaging studies have shown that empathetic and kind feelings would cause our left prefrontal cortex of the brain to change physically. These changes, in turn allow us to have more positive feelings and emotions rather than negative or depressive feelings.
The second bodily change that happens when we do random acts of kindness is that our body gets pumped up with hormones that reduce stress and anxiety. These hormones allow us to be calm, relaxed, happy and healthy, and they are called ‘Feel-good hormones’.
Endorphins: Primarily helps one deal with stress and reduce feelings of pain Serotonin: Mood stabiliser – wellbeing, happiness, confidence boosts Dopamine: Pleasure – Motivational role in brain’s reward system, feelings of energy, less aches, less pain in the body With all these amazing things happening to our brain and body, we can afford to be selfish as possible – do our CAKE.
The question is, what are some of the CAKE that we can do on a daily basis?n Being accepting and non-judgemental. Some of us prone to be judgmental toward others. This comes from a place of being insecure in themselves. It is kindness to give a compliment to a stranger or a friend, rather than a judgement.
Noticing good things rather than bad things requires lots of sense and practice. Saying a kind word can be hard to someone whois egoistic and arrogant. Therefore, we need to overcome our insecurities and arrogance when practicing CAKE.
There are so many people around us – near and far, whose lives could be improved with a little gift. A little act of service for someone can mean a lot. We think that we are not rich enough to give, but it has been proven that giving has nothing to do with wealth we own. Giving our time to someone is a precious gift that we can give. Thus, doing CAKE require change of mindset.
Showing gratitude has been practiced through generations. Some do it in the form of prayers and thanksgiving, while some do it in the form of giving merit. Do we show heartfelt gratitude to those who have helped us – in some way or other – in our short journey through life? CAKE might bring answers as to how to do this.
The best form of kindness may be to be harmless to others. We might think being harmless is not ‘doing’ anything, and that it is a passive thing. Contrary to this belief, being harmless is quite an active thing. Being harmless requires long term cultivation of emotional intelligence and goodwill towards others. This kind of CAKE will be not to harm perfect strangers or even family members with our unconscious acts. An example would be not talking loudly on the phone while taking public transport.
Kindness boosts happiness and counters depression, as proven through many neurological studies. Conversely, it is only logical to expect that hatred and negative emotions towards others would kill our own happiness and lead to depression.
If CAKE is the way of life to be happy and healthy, and if it bring benefits to all, why not practice random acts of kindness every day?
13th November – World Kindness Day 2023
