LIFE IS FUNNY,SOMETIMES

by Desmond Kelly “ the Star of eLanka”

My dear readers of eLanka everywhere, I love women, am certainly not homophobic in any sense of the word, but, as I have written before, I now reiterate some of the facts why, on the whole, men seem to be less.depressed than women.

NICKNAMES. If Laura, Kate & Sarah go out to lunch, they still refer to each other by their Christian names, but if Mike, Dave & John go out, they affectionately call each other “fat-boy”, “Bubba” & “Dick-head”.
Older women “get together” for their “hens parties” etc. They seem fonder of “elite” names for their “groups”, but I do believe that there.is a “club” for men in Sydney Australia that call themselves “the old bastards”. To go even further with this, if these Aussies meet in the Street, the expected cordial greeting would always be “hello, you old bastard”, believe it or not, this is true.

EATING OUT.. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave & John will each throw in a 20$ note even though the total amount is $42.50. They do not expect any “change”. When the “girls” get their bill, out come the pocket-calculators.

MONEY. A man will pay $2, for $1 item he needs A woman, on the other hand will pay $1 for a $2 item she does not need, but is “on-sale”.

BATHROOMS. A man has but six items in his. A toothbrush, toothpaste, some shaving cream, razor, bar of soap & a towel. A woman will have an average of 337, of which a man might be able to identify about 20.

ARGUMENTS. A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that, is simply the beginning of a new argument.

THE FUTURE. A woman worries about the future, until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE. A woman marries a man expecting him to “change”, but, of course, he doesn’t. A man marries a woman, expecting her not to change, but, of course, she does.

DRESSING-UP. A woman usually dresses-up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book & get the mail. A man dresses-up to go for weddings & funerals.

OFF-SPRING. Ah, children, A woman knows everything about her children, their dentist appointnents, their romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, hopes & dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some “short people” living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. A married man should forget his mistakes. There is absolutely no use in two people remembering the same thing.

MEN ARE JUST “HAPPIER PEOPLE”.

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your “last-name” stays put, the garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves, Chocolate is just another “snack”. You could be President but you never could be pregnant. You do the same work for more pay, your “wrinkles” just add character. People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys for all of your life.You can do your Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th in 25 minutes. Yes, men are just happier people.

Desmond Kelly.
“Star of eLanka”.