“WHAT A LOT OF BULL”? – By Des Kelly

We have some “BREAKING NEWS” which is not just “bull” in any sense of the word. This “good news” comes especially to members of eLanka, from someone who could be trusted to “enliven” the lives of mainly Lankan/Aussies, plus many Lankan/Pommies, plus ANY Lankans, anywhere, who are feeling a bit despondent at all. I refrain from divulging the name of this crazy person, and will leave it to my many readers to figure out who it is.

There is a well-known “quote” that tells us that ALWAYS !
“A Woman comes first, even to the gallows”. I firmly believe this, only, this time, it’s a COW we are talking about.
In the Land that breeds a hell of a lot of Cows,”Knickers” is a
COW, NOW, in the news. “HOW NOW” ?, you ask. It is certainly not a silly question, my friends. This lady Cow is a Holstein-Friesian beauty, born in W.Australia on the 27th November, 2011, (it was a Caesarian-section, I believe), so she has just celebrated her 7th birthday, as the West Australian Abattoirs cannot seem to handle such a large Cow. (I do not blame them). How did she get this endearing name ?. Ask a silly question and you’ll get a silly answer.
Sweet Knicker’s owner had Knicker’s mother play around with a BULL named “BRA” (which was short for Brahman, I suppose, but Knicker’s owner was thinking about other more interesting things than a common Brahman bull, thus the consequences). Knickers weighs in at nearly 1.400 kilograms, stands at almost 6’4″ tall, only slightly shorter than Michael Jordon who, as everyone knows, or should know, is 6’12” tall, and now stands (Knickers, that is), as a bodyguard for all the other cattle on this Myalup farm, owned by a lucky farmer by the name of Geoff Pearson.

So much for beautiful Knickers (if I say so, myself), but my story does not end there. Although they are now featuring this “breaking news” with a COW of a tale, ONLY readers of eLanka will now be introduced post haste, to
Field Marshall, a giant BULL OF BRITAIN. This Charlois British Bull, 4 years older than Knickers, about 2 tonne in weight and standing 6’4″ tall (slightly shorter than Knickers, because, as one grows older, one grows shorter, and don’t I know it ?), was given the rank of “Field Marshall” for some reason, but no name, and so, in my wisdom, I have decided to call him KNACKERS, simply because, with the enormous distance between them, KNACKERS would NEVER be able to get into KNICKERS, and should not, if you know what I mean. “Tough Titties”, as the late Bhagwan’s Sheela (based on the Sanskrit name), would say. What a lot of BULL ?!!!.